Timelines can solve most of the problem

Welcome to the “How to Coach” weekly newsletter.
This is where I share insights, training, do’s, and don’ts from my 19 years of experience, so you can progress faster than I did and learn what I wish I’d known sooner!
All in the pursuit of YOU becoming the BEST coach your clients will ever meet.

TIMELINES & CYCLES
It’s where the problems and struggles repeat.

People often don’t pay attention to the cycles they repeat in life.
Here are 5 reasons why they don’t….

1. No framework for Reflection - Without tools like journaling, coaching or therapy it’s not normal for a person to reflect back on “Why does this keep happening over and over to me?” They get mixed up and think that life keeps happening to them…instead of seeing that they are “repeating a pattern”.

2. Lack of Awareness - Living on auto-pilot. They respond to life out of a habit…instead of a reflection. They think everything is random instead of realizing much of it is recurring, with different people in a different place.

3. Emotional Blindspots - Cycles are often driven by deep emotions that people avoid facing. It’s easier to keep moving than to look at what’s really behind the repetition.

4. Comfort in Familiarity - Even painful cycles can feel like a “safe” place because they are predictable and reliable. Breaking out could be facing the unknown, which can feel scarier than staying stuck.

5. Cultural and Family Conditioning - This could be inherited. Patterns can be normalized, they may not even recognize that this pattern / cycle is destructive.

IDEA 
When working with your client…

In the beginning of my coaching career I noticed that people always had a “back story” to tell me about the problem/challenge/opportunity they were facing. At first I thought this was a bunch of data points that they were trying to get off their chest or it was their round about way to push the blame on someone else for their results. At first I listened but I didn’t listen to the time line and cycles they were revealing to me.  

I started tracking their story on paper while they threw out the details. They could see that I was taking notes and actually trying to put it on a lineal time line and tracking the details of what happened and the order that it happened in.  Crazy part was ... .because I was not taking notes ... .the story had to be corrected many times.  They would catch themselves saying details out of order ... .or even exaggerations were shrunk down or lifted up, to match more of the reality of what happened.  I literally drew a line down the middle of the paper with an arrow in the right end…and tried to follow their story.

With all the corrections they made…and the edits they made in the story…at one point the client would sit back and stop talking.  I learned over time to ask this question:
? - What are you seeing? Is there something you are realizing?

A big portion of their problem or misunderstanding was solved. This doens’t happen 100% of the time, but it sure creeps up into the 60-75% of the time.  It's nice when the client can solve their own problem. It’s shocking how much this helps them. I realized that….

People lack the ability to reflect. 
They can’t see the string of events that led up to the issue at hand.

If I can give them a simple framework or drawing to put the details on or into, there’s more AH-HA’s that will happen just in the “back story” sharing portion of the appointment. 

GAPS
Be ready, there will be GAPS in their story. Usually the missing pieces are their part that they played. The story isn’t as bad when they include all of their mistakes, shortcomings, forgetfulness, laziness, and slowness. So those usually get edited out and not brought up at all. So when I see gaps, I ask about them….”Hey, what happened between “this” and “that”?  They will usually draw a blank…so I prompt them…”What did you do…or not do, at this point in the story?”  Now that they know that I am on to them and what is going on…they usually cough it out…but not until I ask about it.

Once the details are out…it usually stirs accountability and responsibility.
That’s a lot better than me trying to bust them, they busted themselves.

DRAWINGS
So use a line with an arrow at the end for a lineal time line… to represent their schedule, the day, the week, the month, the year……or use a circle or arrows in a circle, to start recognizing the series of steps, actions and unconscious choices that are going on that keeps them in a repeating patter.

I will draw it…and label it as best as I can.

This also works great with planning the future…or planning a strategy. Drawings, diagrams help the client see what is missing…it also help you show your client where something is missing. They may “think” it is there…or “think” they said the details, but the diagram tracking sheet of the story shows it’s missing.

CONCLUSION
This helps me as a coach do a better job at solving problems. Ultimately it provides a great experience to the client. When they have breakthroughs…and they have massive Ah-Ha’s…they tell their friends and family how cool that experience was.

Test this out on your next client.
There’s a learning curve to it. Not complicated, just going to require you to listen closer and take notes on your diagram. You can do that.

I care about your coaching skills…because when you are great at what you do, that clients life improves. You feel better about what you are doing…and you will keep going. The more you do your coaching gig… the better your skills get. It’s a great cycle to be in.

Use your power statements or declarations to keep your head focused forward.

The devil is real and he tries to shut us up….and shut us down…because we do such life changing work for others. Exercise your brain everyday. 

Stay strong! You’re on the winning team!
Stronger ~ Lighter ~ Smarter
Kirk

Coach Skill UPGRADE
Here’s a simple inexpensive way to upgrade your listening skills.
Great Listening Skills require ALL of your senses - 
When you can perceive and understand your client so much that they think you can read their mind, it’s powerful!
Details - 3ke.to/empathskill

Stronger ~ Lighter ~ Smarter

Coach Kirk