Maybe the problem…isn’t the real problem

As a coach I learned real quick that people face problems every week and every day. Some have more problems than others. Some even solve their problems faster than others. You’ll see that education, skill and experience play a solid role in how fast a person can solve problems and move forward. But what happens when you have a client that is smart, experienced and they are STUCK?

You know they have the smarts to solve the problem.
You know they have the skill.
But what’s holding them up?

This took me a few years to dial in on this.
I had a client who chose in for a year long coaching experience. He was brilliant. He had it all. He plateaued and he was looking for what got in his way?  We took a deep dive into his life and business looking for what he was up against and what was missing. I started to feel like I had finally met my match. Maybe this was a challenge that I could not figure out? This really started to bug me.

We were just finishing up an appointment when I heard some language come out of him.
He said, “I can’t see how I will ever get over this”.
I walked up to the white board… and I drew a sketch of what he just said.

I turned around and pointed at him….”it’s you”!
It’s not your team.
It’s not your schedule.
It’s not your pricing.
It’s not your marriage.
It’s not your marketing.
It’s you.
You’re small.
You can’t see over the problem… you just said it, you can’t see over it… you’re small.

We need to make you BIG!
The funniest look on his face…., “what do you mean, BIG?”

Now I knew we needed to find out what he is doing to himself inside of his head?
What kinds of comments is he making about himself?
What forms of sarcasm is he using on himself?
How is he beating himself up inside?
What recent decision is he still regretting?
What embarrassing thing happened that he is not over yet?
What disagreement did he have with someone that is still eating at him?
What has crushed him?
What literally has sucked the life out of him?
We went hunting for anything that could have happened to SHRINK him.

Come to find out….it had nothing to do with his business.
It had everything to do with his son.

Who would have thought.
But it just makes sense.
When something drains you, or sucks the life right out of you… you shrink?

Once we found it, it was now time to EXPRESS IT.
That‘s the secret code for talking it out. Nothing fancy, just talking, listening….no fixing.

After the EXPRESSION the mind, body and soul are ready for the next steps.
REBUILDING

What that looks like is….

1. Knowing. Reviewing what has been found. Looking at the facts that it’s not the problem that was shutting him down…it was some other area of his life that was affecting him. Pointing out the hope that this can be worked through and solutions can still be found. It’s not over.

2. Adding up what is working and what is good. This looks like making a list. Numbering them one by one. Find what is good and compile a long list. You could see a change in posture and hear a change of tone in the person's voice as you do this. The more you add up what is good, the mind shifts in energy flow. Instead of a downward spiral, it turns and starts an upward movement.

3. Drawing the map. This gives a visual timeline to brainstorm with. A simple line on the paper, with NO obstacle between them and the “star” they are working towards. Now the ideas start to flow, put them on the timeline. They can always be moved and adjusted later. This step is getting the ideas out and documented in front of them so they can see the solutions are already popping up. Once the ideas area all out, now the sorting and organizing of those ideas starts.

Maybe the problem….isn’t the problem.
Maybe it’s them?

I hope this helps you.
Sooner or later you would have run into this and had to figure it out.
Glad I could share it with you and save you time.

Ok, got to run, my next coaching appointment is starting in 15 minutes.
I’m going to run outside, get some fresh air…throw a couple snow balls and grab a snack.

Oh, hey, did you hear about my live webinar THIS Saturday (Feb 22nd)?
I’m going to talk about why Empaths struggle with Money.
Could be useful for you. Could be useful for your clients!
Go here to check out the details - 3ke.to/empath

Awesome!
Thanks for tuning in today!

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