How to Heal from Pain

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I’ve spend 19 years coaching thousands of people, testing every approach you can imagine. Now I’m handing you the do’s, don’ts, and proven strategies that actually work. Why? So you can skip the trial-and-error and become the BEST coach your clients will ever meet—faster than you thought possible.

If you missed my last newsletter… “Why People avoid Pain”, be sure to check it out by going to https://howtocoach.3keyelements.com/p/why-people-avoid-pain.

Let’s talk about Healing.

Coaching people around the world from different backgrounds has shown me that a common thread we have as people is our experience with pain. It’s a confusing topic. It’s almost as if it’s not talked about because those we learned from while we were growing up were not taught about healing. So for generations the topic of healing is not a conversation that happens at home, we have to go to someone else who is “qualified” to help us heal.

Growing up my mom had this green plant in her bedroom sitting in the window sill. It was an aloe vera plant. Whenever one of us kids would get cut or bruised she would snap off a small piece of that plant and pinch it between her fingers and this clear jelly like stuff would come out and she would dab it or smear it on the injury. I had always thought that my mom was a bit woo-woo. But guess what? My cut healed quickly. Every time!  Funny thing is… I’m 57 years old... and look what I have in my window…

There are ways to heal that don’t follow common practices.

I had worked for a corporate company for 14 years and all during that time we had insurance. Whenever one of us would get sick we would go to the doctor. The day I left that job to start my own business my wife was very concerned because we would not have that insurance and we didn’t have money to pay for it. We both decided that we were going to find holistic ways to stay healthy and to do everything we knew how to not have to go to the doctors office.  WOW, what an eye opening experience that was. We started asking everyone we met how they took care of different ailments. Even with 3 kids…we drastically dropped the number of times we would go to a doctor. We didn’t have to, we knew what to do to assist the body in healing. 

This is why I get passionate about finding what’s hurting inside of my clients because I know it can be mended, repaired or healed.  I’m not a doctor, I’m a coach. I know my limits and I never turn people away from going to the doctor. My work is to help my clients find ways to heal emotional wounds, relationship damage, self esteem infection, entrepreneurial bruises and social stings. 

It’s common to find that your client has suppressed their wounds. Most people have no idea how to mend or heal, so they try to bury it and “move on” thinking that it won’t affect them. This is why so many people are silently struggling because the part of them that needs attention has been neglected and rejected as a possible cause….and now they are searching for something else as a reason for their issues.

I will say this…If the body works on healing every night while it’s sleeping…and it takes 6-8 hours a day to repair and to mend what physically has happened to us that day…it’s a message to us….that our own mental, emotional, and relationships arenas need our attention.

“When someone is hurting, it directly affects their performance.”

I teach empowerment techniques to my clients to build up their strength, confidence and their clarity…..and while doing this, it sooner or later exposes a weakness or wound. Then I teach the client healing techniques.  I have found it to be necessary to use both.

Teach your client; Empowerment & Healing

This newsletter could get really long if I go into all the different types of healing techniques. So I am going to highlight certain ones that I find to be useful and that can be universally applied to different scenarios.

5 Steps to Healing

1. Acknowledgement - Name it…to take it. Instead of burying it, identify it. Ignoring it doesn’t heal it. Burying it doesn’t fix it. Example: “I am hurt. This matters.”

2. Allow - Give yourself permission to heal. “It’s okay to let myself move forward”.

3. Express - Let the pain out - talk, write, cry, create, move, or pray. If it’s not let out, it stays inside. It does not heal. It’s not a physical wound, it’s mental or emotional. Those don’t heal like a cut does.

4. Release - Process the emotions / thoughts and as you do they loosen their grip through forgiveness, acceptance, or closure.

5. Rebuild - Transform the wound into wisdom. Every experience in life becomes a teacher or messenger in some way. We learn from our experiences…as we look for the “message” we are getting from it this gives birth to a new view on what happened. This becomes wisdom we can share and help others.

Techniques I use to create healing in my life:

• Nature - I go for a walk, go for a drive and get myself out into nature. Once I am in nature I feel like I am in a neutral space away from electronics, Wi-Fi and people. This gives me the opportunity to express myself about what happened. I pick a tree or a bush and I tell that tree what happened. I am using this tree as a focal point to fully open up and express myself. No one is around…no one is going to correct what I say, no one can tell me that my view is wrong. Nature is neutral. I can fully express myself and say it however loud I want and use whatever language I want to fully express my thoughts and feelings about what happened. By doing this, it gets it off my chest. It clears it from my vocal chords and it begins to purge it from my body. If I leave it in my head, it gets messy. If I leave it on my heart, it gets heavy. After I am finished expressing myself ... .I will say outloud…”I want to get through this…I want to heal from this…and I release all confusion about this.”

• Journaling - This is similar to what I just said about going into Nature, but instead, I am writing it all out instead of verbally expressing it. So I sit at my computer and type it out. My hand writing is too slow to keep up…so I type.  Typing it out helps me see what details I might have not expressed yet ... .It gives me a writing to review, to find and squeeze out every detail I can find.  I DO NOT share what I write. After I am finished writing I delete it. I don’t save it.  Most of the time this is very toxic and no one should ever read it. I know my heart, mind and throat will heal faster if I can clear these words and energy OFF of my heart, mind and throat.  So writing it out and getting every detail of how I feel, what I think really helps clear the yucky energy of what happened. This helps me think better and be able to focus again.

• Forgiveness Letters - This is just like the Journaling….except I am writing to a specific person. I am NOT planning on giving it to the person…I am only writing it specifically to them so I can target that specific energy that is stuck in my throat, heart, mind and body. This helps me target that energy and clear it out through expressing it to them in the letter. At the end of the letter….I express my forgiveness to them….even if I’m still struggling with forgiving them….I am attempting to “activate” the forgiveness process by at least writing…even if I don’t feel it…I can still say it…so I can “turn on” that portion of my being to “start” the forgiveness journey. If I don’t start it…it may never happen on its own. After I write the letter, I delete it.

• Guided Meditation - There are hundreds of guided meditation audios. I like to use recordings that walk me through the steps to relax, get grounded…and get present. When my body is in a relaxed state of being…I heal much faster. I listen to that recording 3-4 times a week.  Maybe every day if I need it.

• Dialog 1:1 - Maybe there’s a need to approach the person and have a discussion with them. If not, then I might consult a friend or family member and then talk it out with them and ask for advice…or…just tell them I need a listening ear and I don’t want advice, I just need someone to be a human to talk to. Human interaction is healing. To feel the care and concern from another person can energetically move your fragmented energy back into a better level of order. It’s what A.I. can’t do for you. If you use A.I. to talk out your problems you will make progress with the head work of sorting things out. Then if you add a conversation with someone you feel safe with, it is shocking how much healing happens.

• Ask your Higher Power (your God) - I have found great success asking God to guide me in my healing. Especially when it’s internal wounds that I can't find or are complicated. He knows where all wounds are…and knows how to heal anything and everything.

As a Coach, the more I practice my own empowerment and healing the better I get at helping my clients do the same. It’s not a waste of time to learn how to do this. It’s worth the investment.

So, where do you start?
Open up a document on your computer and pick something that is bugging you…start expressing yourself, type up how you feel…what you think…say it…..get it off your chest…get it off your throat…get it off your mind.  You will feel better.  Now that the energy is moved off of you….repair, mending and healing can begin.

Hope something here helps you.
Your coaching and your work is super important.
I believe you are called to this work because people need exactly what you have to offer.
Keep going, don’t stop.
I know at times it gets really difficult…it’s hard.
I have those days, too.
But we can’t stop. What if all the coaches in the world stopped….YIKES!
If you need a day to recuperate, take one.
Do what you can.
We are on the same team.
I’m cheering for you!

Kirk

Check it out → 3ke.to/BuiltToSense

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Coach Kirk