Welcome to the “How to Coach” weekly newsletter.
This is where I share insights, training, do’s, and don’ts from my 19 years of experience, so you can progress faster than I did and learn what I wish I’d known sooner!
All in the pursuit of YOU becoming the BEST coach your clients will ever meet.

If you don’t see the signs, you could get entangled too much with your client.

When I can’t shake the appointment…their choices bother me…and I think more about their life than mine…I know I have crossed the line…I’m entangled. 

But how did I get here?  
And how do I get out of this?

Early entanglement shows up as blurred lines, over-responsibility, and emotional carryover outside of the session. You might not even know that this exists. Read this whole email, it’s vital to your sanity.

Here’s a few signs to watch out for that show that you are entangled with your client:

1. OVER-IDENTIFICATION - You start feeling their emotions almost as if they were your own. After sessions, you carry their stress, sadness, or excitement long after they’ve left.

2. EXCESSIVE RESPONSIBILITY - You catch yourself thinking “It’s on me to fix them” or “If they don’t succeed, I’ve failed.” That pressure shifts you out of coaching and into rescuing.

3. BLURRING BOUNDARIES - 

   1. Wanting to “check in” more often than your agreement allows.

   2. Letting sessions run long because you feel guilty ending them.

   3. Sharing more of your personal life than useful to the client.

4. EMOTIONAL REACTIVITY - Their choices trigger you - you feel frustrated, defensive, or personally invested in whether they follow through.

5. ATTACHMENT TO OUTCOMES - You notice you’re more focused on what happens to them (their results, relationships, or approval of you) than on their process of growth.

6. DEPENDENCE DYNAMICS - 

   1. The client leans on you for decisions instead of building their own clarity.

   2. You secretly enjoy being the one they “need”.

7. SHIFTING YOUR CENTER - Instead of holding neutral space, you adjust your own emotions, schedule, or energy to match theirs. You begin to lose objectivity.

Emotional Entanglement is when your emotions get so mixed up with someone else’s that you lose track of what belongs to you and what belongs to them. Instead of healthy empathy, where you understand and support, it turns into blurred boundaries, dependency, and carrying their feelings as if they were your own.

Other indicators to open your eyes to what this entanglement looks like:

• You start feeling responsible for their moods or problems.

• Your happiness rises or falls depending on how they’re doing.

• You can’t make decisions without worrying about how they’ll react.

• You feel drained but also oddly compelled to stay connected.

It’s weird.

You don’t even really know that you are getting swept away into their emotional current.

The reason I know so much about this is because I have been caught in it.

The last time this happened to me I was mad that it happened.

It was a slow unnoticeable experience.

Once I saw the signs of it….I had to get out FAST.

So this is how you GET OUT of entanglement….

• You can break the mental spell it puts you in…

• It requires resetting my boundaries…

• Recentering myself…

• Getting back into my coaching mind and out of rescuer mode.

Why this works

• It starts with affirmation (so they don’t feel rejected)

• It frames the shift as being for their benefit

• It resents boundaries without shaming

• It returns ownership of growth back to them

BONUS TIP: 
You may need to energetically brush yourself off after the appointment. 
This will disconnect any energy attachments that were created during the appointment. 
No need for you to energetically still be “feeding” energy to that appointment after it is over. 
This only depletes you over time. 
Simply use your hands and make a brushing movement 
over your entire body as though you are literally brushing off something.

My 19 years of coaching has taught me a lot.
That’s plenty of time to make mistakes…and to fix what I was doing…and try again.

Emotional entanglement is not something that will stand out to you.
You have to put yourself under a microscope and look at what you are experiencing.

If you don’t make a change…it’ll hurt you sooner or later.

• Limits growth

• Drains energy

• Masks the truth

Still not sure?
Ok, reflect on these 5 soul searching questions to see if you might be entangled with your client….

1. Whose emotions am I carrying right now? Am I leaving sessions feeling heavy, anxious, or overly responsible in a way that doesn’t belong to me?

2. Am I more invested in their progress than they are? Do I want their breakthrough or success more than they seem to?

3. Am I crossing boundaries in the name of helping? Have I been giving extra time, attention, or personal sharing beyond what was agreed, because I feel guilty or needed?

4. Am I coaching or rescuing? When they struggle, do I jump in with solutions instead of guiding them back to their own clarity and responsibility?

5. Am I defining my success by their choices? Do I feel like a “good” or “bad” coach depending on whether they follow through or validate me?

It’s very common to get entangled with a client.
I wrote this email with the intention of opening your eyes to this and giving you a chance to make a change.
I hope this email was timely for you.
If this isn’t happening to you, still save this email somewhere, you may need it later.

Coaching is a big deal.
The fact that you are doing this work sure shows how much courage you have.
I hope you press forward and stay with it.
The world needs dedicated coaches.

Good to be on the front lines with you.
Stay strong and keep your head & heart in a good place.

Stay strong! You’re on the winning team!
Lighter ~ Faster ~ Stronger
Kirk

My next live webinar is Saturday, September 20th at 8:00am (MT)…more details coming soon.

Stronger ~ Lighter ~ Smarter

Coach Kirk