You felt inspired to go on this journey.
Your heart is in it.
You care deeply about your clients.
You want the best for them.
You do everything you can…ahhhhhh….
…did you cross the invisible line?
What line…..?

Could helping…become over-helping?

You might be slipping into a “savior complex”.

A Savior complex is…an unconscious attitude and a type of demeanor where you believe that you are responsible for another person's results, their life, and their relationships. It becomes an unhealthy need to “save” others even when it’s not truly needed or desired. You become the protector, the rescuer, wanting to fix every part of them and their life. This extreme level of help…turns into “saving” them.  

What causes a savior complex to form?

It’s interesting because if you were “Parentified” while growing up this could cause you to act this way. This is where you had to take on the role of a parent to your siblings at an early age. You could have been the “helper” or the “fixer” in the family. If your self-worth is low you could be trying to “earn your value” by saving the client or being needed by the client. 

Here’s some subtle signs of “savior complex”:

1. Tying client success to your identity. If my client wins, it means I’m good at this. If they fail, it means I failed. This creates an invisible pressure to overperform for the client, trying to “fix” them so you as the coach feels validated. You end up feeling responsible for how they feel.

2. Over-Coaching outside sessions. Sending long follow-up messages, checking in constantly, staying up late thinking about their problems, coaching in texts, DM’s. It feels like dedication, but it crosses from service into self-sacrafice.

3. Making assumptions about what’s best for them. Thinking thoughts like…”I know what they need better than they do”, or “If they just did what I said they’d be fine”. This is control disguised as care. As a coach, you slip from guide to director.

4. Start feeling guilt when the client doesn’t improve. Wondering what you are doing wrong? So you overcompensate and offer extra time, cut your pricing, push harder to “save” the client from quitting or failing. You get frustrated when they don’t change.

5. You start to prevent client discomfort. You don’t want them to feel stuck, discouraged or upset. Now you go to all kinds of lengths to make them happy, content and assured that they are ok, while avoiding every possible mistake that they could make. You end up protecting them.

6. You feel drained after the session. You're using your energy to “give them life”, to solve their problems, to “live for them”. In a real way, you are trying to keep them alive at the expense of your lifeforce.

You are not alone…I’ve caught myself in “savior complex” numerous times over the last 19 years. It’s very common to have this happen. It doesn't mean that you're bad. Sooner or later it will become unhealthy for you as a coach and unproductive for your client. 

So, it’s best to become aware of this…and make some changes to move from “saving” to serving.

Check points to move from “savior complex” back to being a Coach - 

• Own Personal Development

  • Set your own goals - make daily progress

  • Self Care to raise Self Worth

  • Do more research about “savior complex” understand it more

• Coaching

  • Shift from “rescue” to “support”.

  • Ask before helping- you're not taking over, you're collaborating.

  • Respect their path - Give advice and let them choose what action to take.

  • Respect your own boundaries, their life is not your life, don’t absorb it.

  • Celebrate their wins - not yours - Look at what they did.

  • Teach skills, don’t take control

Stronger ~ Lighter ~ Smarter,
Coach Kirk

~ Great Song Pick! ~

First time I heard this song I had a physical reaction.
We were on the lake waterskiing and tubing with the family.
I literally couldn’t think enough to drive. This song shook me to the core.
I didn’t realize I was deep into a savior complex phase of my life.
I wanted to save everyone, I wanted everyone to be ok.
I had to play it over and over again 3 more times.
That’s when I realized, I have to snap out of this.
Pain is ok. Pain is a teacher. Pain is a necessary part of life.

My wife pointed out that I am writing about the “savior complex” during Holy Week. I am grateful for what Holy Week stands for and I know that there really is a Savior. 

Coaching is a life changing, life altering experience for you the coach and for the one you coach. Stick with it. Much to learn. So worth it. I am shocked that I am in my 19th year doing this great work. I’ve seen some incredible miracles…and I have seen the depths of sadness of humanity. People need help in areas that they don’t know what to do. You’re ready enough to open your mouth and offer help. Look for the opportunity and step into it.

Want More?

Coach Fast Track: Up-Level your Coaching Skills
3ke.to/fasttrack

Stronger ~ Lighter ~ Smarter

Coach Kirk